This afternoon my boss told me that I was like Brad Pitt in Ocean’s 11 because every time she saw me today I was eating. We happen to share a cubicle, so I’m guessing she saw me fairly frequently…
the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me
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Category Archives: Work
The Living Dead
I have these projects at work that take FOREVER to finish. I just wrapped one up yesterday morning and was estatic. I don’t know why though, now that I look back. Because these projects are never, ever finished.
Because WITHOUT FAIL, every single project that I think is dead, buried, and done comes back to me a few days/weeks later. Something needs revision, someone wants further explanation, something isn’t right. Or maybe some of these projects are just sadistic and want to see my eyes water and my heart fail. Yes, I think the answer is that these projects are mean little guys…mean little never-dying projects.
I need a silver bullet to take one of these out for good. Actually, I think that’s what kills werewolves? Plus I bet my office frowns on bullets through the computer screen… How do you kill zombies? Because whatever that is, that’s what I need.
A Step Up the Corporate Ladder?
I think a good way to tell how high you are on the corporate totem pole is to see the kind of random assignments outside of your actual job description you’re asked to do. Thus, I figured you’re probably very interested in the exciting life of floor 27′s Stairwell Monitor #2. Yes, you heard me: the secondary Stairwell Monitor, responsible for “supervising and monitoring evacuation flow while remaining calm and encouraging an orderly evacuation” near the stairs by the men’s room.
I was so good at my job, I think that next fire drill I might even promoted to Stairwell Monitor #1 and be responsible for assisting the disabled, or maybe even Elevator Monitor if I’m lucky. Someday if I play my cards right, maybe I’ll make it all the way to floor Fire Warden. But for now, I guess I’ll just dream of the day when I get to evacuate the building with everyone else…
Now I’m not sure how high you have to get on the corporate ladder to avoid being the stairwell monitor for the company fire drill, but I’m guessing that you’re probably safe on Rung #2…
A Slow, Sweet Downward-Spiral
Somebody put out a whole shopping bag full of Hershey’s Kisses in the break room sometime on Friday night. I was the only one in the office on Sunday. I think that maybe there’s a slight chance that I ate an excessive amount of Kisses…
A proverb says that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I’m starting to think that so are the roads to saddlebags and love handles…
I got into work on Sunday and found the bag in the break room while I was getting water. I didn’t think too much about it, grabbed a Kiss and got to work. Because I drink water like a camel in a desert, I was back in the break room in 5 minutes (or maybe I subconsciously just wanted more chocolate…hmm…) Anyway, this trip I brought a small handful back to my desk with me. Those lasted maybe 15 minutes. The next trip didn’t even disguise itself as a water run. I went to the break room and did a two-handed grab of chocolatey delight.
In my defense, my intention was to 1) use chocolate as a reward to help motivate me to work and 2) save the majority of them for Monday. The system started out well. I divided out my reward pile and put the rest away. I got back to work and rewarded myself with a Kiss whenever I finished steps of my project. This is where the system started unravelling. Soon, my goals to reach Kiss-dom were fairly small. As in “I found the page with the information I need…Kiss!” And thus my reward pile dwindled.
The problem really started when my reward pile was all gone after I had finished something actually deserving of a reward. And what’s the point of a reward system if you don’t get a prize at the end? So I broke into the ‘tomorrow’ stash.
I was on a roll in my project at that point and was kind of cruising along. All of a sudden, I looked over at the Gigantic Pile of foil that had accumulated on my desk and had one of those “who ate all of my Kisses?” moments. It was then that I decided that I really did need to put the chocolate away before I accidentally ate my calculator without realizing it…
Except for then my OCD-esque tendencies kind of took over. Because I couldn’t put the chocolate away when the number of Kisses in each color of foil wasn’t even. I had to fix the foil issue before storing the chocolate. So I ate more…
After things were all even, the pile looked pretty small. It was at that point that I decided it probably wasn’t worth “going through the hassle” of saving just a few chocolates. I guess I could liken it to Joey on Friends worrying about becoming the kind of guy who only eats half a Power Bar and then saves the rest for later. I mean really. So I finished them off and ended the day when I ate approximately my body weight in Hershey’s Kisses…
All in all, I do not find it to be coincidental that my dessert consumption is directly proportionate to the amount of overtime that I work.
my last day of freedom, take 2
I graduated from college in May and am about to embark on my second “real job” on Monday. My first job really didn’t work out so well, in that the company kind of imploded. I guess sometimes that happens to start-ups, and unfortunately it happened to the company I worked for right after I got in the door. Not particularly fun, but a good learning experience. I am very glad that it was a learning experience that only lasted 2 months.
So now I’m starting a new job in the same line of work but with a much bigger and more established company. And I’m definitely excited. But I feel even more nervous this time around, which seems slightly ironic because I know that I can handle first days after last time. But last time it was my first job out of college, and so I felt okay not really knowing what I was doing or expected to be doing on the first day. But since this is not technically my first job on Monday, I feel like I’m expected to be a little bit older and wiser; somehow that does not seem to be the case. Oh, I’m wiser about many things, but my intuition is that the things I am wiser about are the things I dealt with on a day-to-day basis at work before, which are things that should and probably will not occur in any other environment.
Basically, I’m still at square one. Hopefully my new job is kind of like the Sound of Music and likes to start at the very beginning. Because that’s a very good place to start.
It’s All About Professionalism
Your love of Cheetos no longer needs to get in the way of your day-to-day life. You sit down for a nice tasty snack, only to have a boss walk in for a word or a phone call to come through. I empathize completely. Sometimes the situation can be quite the quandry: what to do about those fingers covered in fake-cheese?
The answer is here. Cheeto Chopsticks. Never again worry about messy fingers on the job! Your solution to effective snacking! Available only through this special tv offer (or at any noodle takeout company) for a limited time only! Call now!
Are you kidding me?!
My string cheese disappeared from the communal fridge for the second day in a row! The rest of my lunch was sitting peacefully where I left it, SANS MY CHEESE! I went through the whole fridge this time to make sure I wasn’t going crazy, but it was to no avail. My cheese is gone…again…and my stomach is filled with the empty sadness of cheese-less afternoons…
It feels like some cruel trick of nature! Who would have imagined that an office of 10 would be plauged by a cheese-stealing fiend?
Ponderings From The Office
- Did an event like this one transpire in someone else’s workplace to inspire the band name “The String Cheese Incident”? (Side Story: I brought in a string cheese for lunch, which was no longer locate-able in the fridge come lunch time. I can not prove that it was eaten or stolen or moved to an obscure setting. I have no idea if the act was malicious. I can’t claim theft. Indeed, it was merely an incident. Just a string cheese incident.)
- What’s wrong with whoever it was that clogged the toilet with what appears to be green poop? I hope she’s okay… If that we me, I’d take a sick day.
- How did I not find the gelato shop earlier in my downtown days?
- How will I afford my newly planned twice-daily trips to said gelato shop?
- Why do they turn the stupid air conditioning up so high? We are not trying to work in an igloo. It’s 100 degrees outside and 50 degrees inside. I’m going to get hypothermia and hyperthermia in the same day.
Would You Rather?
Would you rather get have a 50% chance of getting 100% of what you want, or a 100% chance of getting 50% of what you want?
This philosophical quandary was ultimately my first major working decision. The situation: the three analysts and one intern all share a big office. When we (meaning myself and the other new analyst who started at the same time as me) started, the office was equipped for two for the first week. We had computers and everything, but they were set up on tables instead of desks. This last Friday, they furnished the office with desks. Exciting? Perhaps if there was not 3 desks for 4 people.
The other new guy and I were supposed to flip for who got the huge desk by the window and who had to share a desk with the intern.
I decided to opt out of the flipping completely and bargain on my own terms. My own terms being the “Rachel can’t lose” terms. Other new guy gets the window desk until December and then we switch.
Could I perhaps have had the window desk the whole time? Yep. But here’s my logic for making a deal. 1) I hate losing. I’d rather put things in my terms than have to lose. 2) I know I like the intern now, whereas the interns in the future might not be such cool desk partners…now that’s not my problem. 3) Apparently the desk by the window can get a bit hot during the summer, which I can hopefully avoid come December. (okay, that’s just me trying hard to convince myself I want to stare at the wall…) 4) In my heart of hearts, I am not lucky (except for the two miraculous times in elementary school when I won a cake walk, both times when I was standing on the number 8… AWESOME). I knew that I was going to end up and the shared desk anyway, so decided to strike a deal. 5) Basically, I have a “risk averse” profile.
What would you do?
Day 1
Today was my first day of work. People have asked me how it went, and I’m not quite sure what exactly to say. Mostly I’ve been saying “it was good,” and that is very true. It was good. But it was also many other things. So, in case you were thinking of asking about how my first day of work went, here are some of my responses.
- It went well. I like my co-workers and my supervisors and the rest of the people who make up my (approximately) 12 person office. The work seems challenging and interesting, though I really haven’t had a chance to do much of it yet. The environment is very open, though definitely driven. It’s nice.
- It was long. The hours are definitely not 9-5, and that is not any easier on the HR day.
- It was hot. I’m not sure if I’m getting sick or if the air conditioning does not function within my optimal temperature range, but I was warm all day.
- It was exciting. I loooooooove picking out my pens and highlighters, etc. from the office supply cabinet.
- It was conflicting. For example, my excitement over the announcement that I would be getting a company Blackberry was dulled by the realization that a company Blackberry was an expectation for constant connection to work.
- It was painful, particularly for feet that had to spend 10 hours in heels having strictly worn flip flops or sneakers since I left my office job in August ’06.
- It was hunger-causing. But seriously, that’s everything in my life, so no biggie there. But I thought that maybe my stomach acid had begun to digest my internal organs by lunchtime. I’m going to have to adjust to a no snacking schedule. Okay, realistically that’s a minimum snacking schedule.
- It was exhilarating. I take the light rail system (trains) to get downtown. I figured out all the stops and the timing and the return tripping and the ticket buying. And the surprising part is that it went without a hitch. Successful navigation makes me happy, especially environmentally, economically-friendly navigation. Plus it reminds me of being back in Europe, except now I can understand the announcements.
- It was a reality-check. I. Have. A. Real. Job. Where I am expected to be at every day (including some weekends). And. This. Arrangement. Goes. On. Indefinitely? whoa…. This is probably not the right reaction, but I spent a fair amount of time during the HR discussions wishing that I had ditched more classes when I had the chance…
Basically, I like it and I think it will be a nice job. So mostly: “How was your day?” “It was good.” : )