Category Archives: Work

Guess who’s back

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A group of my co-workers goes walking every day at lunch and today I joined them. As we walked past some bushes, someone wondered aloud about the source of the clicking noise. With investigative skills worthy of Nancy Drew, I peeped under the bush.

Originally, all I saw was something alive and something gray. Because there are a plethora of bunnies in the area, I didn’t initially register anything beyond “gray animal” and skipped directly to the thought, “I didn’t know rabbits made that noise.”

That’s because they do not.

Then I noticed the eyes. The gigantic, yellow eyes. At this point, I would say I was about 95% startled, 4% afraid, and 1% excited. Given the small ratio of excitement to those other common sense emotions, happily yelling “It’s STANLEY!” might not have been the ideal first reaction. But that’s what I did.

(Back story: Stanley is the name we gave to the owl who hung out in the tree outside our cubicle window last summer. No owls have been seen in the area since, and there has been lingering sadness about the owl departure as they provided a great deal of workplace entertainment.)

Even though it was not a cognizant decision, I am happy to report that after my successful detective work, there was at least a small part of me that was smart enough to remove myself from the immediate vicinity of the bird of prey making warning noises.

But despite my desire to leave well enough alone, there appeared to be a Stanley 2 watching over this scene who did not seem to trust my intentions to exit. I was perhaps three steps away from the grounded owl when there was suddenly an owl with an overwhelmingly large wingspan swooping directly in front of my face. I sincerely have no idea where he came from, but I’m guessing he was watching from the building roof and decided to come personally administer a warning.

And this point I moved to 100% terror, which was evidenced by a very unfortunate shriek and the subconscious, split-second decision to use my co-worker as a human shield. I ducked behind him and waited for all predators to depart from the area, promising myself that my days of yelling at local wildlife were officially over. After all this excitement, I decided that I had had enough of nature for the day, cut my walk short, and returned to my cubicle to recount of my adventures from the safety of my computer.

a round about way of delivering news

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A co-worker has been telling me with increasing frequency that I look tired. Last week, I finally realized that all the ‘you look tired days’ are in actuality ‘no eyeliner days.’ Which is unfortunate.

I start a new job next week. (My company is relocating all their finance positions to Indiana. Because I truly believe my life is meant for better things than Indiana, I found a new job in Denver. Also, I love that I just said “I found a new job in Denver” as though it didn’t almost kill me to find a new job last time. Karma is evening out!)

And while this seems like a trivial thing to be excited about in the midst of all this change, I am particularly looking forward to the fact that I get to start fresh on the makeup front. Because no one there has any idea what my tired-looking baseline is yet, no one can judge me on my no eyeliner days. Which means my mornings just got a little bit easier.

and so it goes

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I haven’t written a blog post in about a month (actually, that’s a lie. I wrote one and wordpress deleted it before it was published it and I was too irritated to rewrite it…) and have written a grand total of three posts since April. Usually, I would offer some kind of apology and a promise to be more diligent in the future. I’m not feeling that today. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about unproductive emotions and I’ve realized that my self-imposed guilt is one thing that needs to go. So no guilt, just an update about how I’ve lived my life outside of the internet realm.

Something slightly less than employment

I spent most of April and all of May putting in some major hours at work. That’s the old news. The new news is that my company informed me in mid-June that they’ve decided to close down their Denver branch. When people ask me how I’m doing, my automatic response is usually along the lines of “it took me a bit to get over the shock, but now I’m fine.” This is partially a lie. I am fine, but the shock still hits me every morning on the way into work. It has largely turned from a self-centered “I can’t believe they dropped me the day after we finished our project, of which I poured heart and soul and about 500 of hours into” to “I can’t believe how incredibly gracious, composed, and wonderful my co-workers have been throughout this process.” By comparison, I have it easy. I have no family to take care of, I have no major fixed expenses (this is one of the few times in life one can feel smug about their decision to live at home… :) , entry level jobs are still an option for me, and I’ve only been with the company for 10 months as opposed to 20+ years. I still have moments when I get a little indignant, but it’s now on behalf of other people who deserved better. But deserve is another one of those unproductive emotions because it’s a perspective that’s rarely reciprocated.

And while I am excited to try something new, I am terribly overwhelmed by the prospect of job hunting. I’m looking forward to finding a job I am more passionate about and preferably an employer that is not so exacting in its required hours. I still have a month or so to figure out what I’m doing next. There is some fear. There is frustration – I hate doing things on other people’s terms, and it turns out leaving a company is no exception. There is relief and a sense of possibility. Above all, there is change. And no matter what I feel or want, it is this that I’ve come to accept. Everything else will come with time.

Family Vacation

I had already planned a vacation for the week of the 4th of July and it seemed the trip would be a much-needed escape from ‘reality.’ I was fortunate enough to spend a fantastic week clearing my head and remembering what’s supposed to be important. Things like sunrises, the ocean lapping at your feet, sandcastles, family dinners, and a kayaking misadventure that will certainly become our family’s epic vacation story for years to come. Being in love with life, drinking in the scenery, and spending time with the people you love – why was I excluding these things from my daily version of ‘reality’? I realized that ever since college graduation, I have associated ‘the real world’ with drudgery. How sad is that? I think this is the very definition of an unproductive emotion, or at least an unproductive perspective. I refuse to accept that my life will be long, draining days, and I’m changing my reality. I am looking forward to a real world full of happiness, love, and daily adventures.

Best of all, I got to feel my first little niece kick. If that doesn’t put things in perspective, I don’t know what does.

sunrise

celebration!

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I haven’t been very engaging lately. Sincerest apologies. If it makes you feel any better, all of the people I interact with in real life would say the same thing. The past six weeks have almost been completely consumed by some major work projects. The kind of projects that cause you to end up in the office on Memorial Day and eat both lunch and dinner at your desk most days of the week. For the most part, any time not at work has been spent sleeping, except in the case of this past week where I spent most of my time *not* sleeping because my dreams about having to start all over four days before the end of the project stressed me out more than work did.

But guess what? I hit my deadline.

I don’t think text could possibly convey the excitement and relief that fill that last sentence. No amount of all caps-ing or bolding or multiple exclamation marks could possibly cover the depth of the sheer joy that fills me when I type that. It’s like taking your first bite of cheesecake while sitting barefoot under the shade of a tree on a warm day while your favorite song plays in the background and the person you love most gives you a scalp massage. Seriously, it’s that good. So guess what: I hit my deadline, I hit my deadline, I hit my deadline.

I’ve made it! Even more so, I’ve made it with most of my lucidity and emotional stability intact. And like male pattern baldness, the upfront loss of sanity is minimal. When I eventually lose all my marbles somewhere down the line, you can look back to May 2008 and say, “And that’s when her proverbial bald spot started. I should have seen this bad toupee coming. Good thing the cheesecake was worth it.“

Hey now kids, come gather round – See what just skipped into town.

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This morning, I went to an office team meeting. We had a relatively quick conference call followed by a lengthy discussion as to how to improve the Denver office. Things like integration and culture were discussed, all of which seemed like good plans. That is, until it was decided that we should work on the team building that morning by having the “new hires” share something about themselves that no one else knew about them. I panicked. In my heart of hearts, I knew that I would still be considered a new hire. I considered running for the door while I still had a shot. While I was formulating my exit strategy, the director called my name as someone who was so graciously granted time on the agenda. I was too late.

The first person told an amazing story about being an artist. I mean, she literally included a philosophical discussion about being connected to her work and had this amazing talent to share with the group and spoke about how she worked on the side. I sat, trying to listen and seem engaged but mostly having a semi-heart attack while hoping against hope that they moved around the room clockwise instead of counterclockwise.

I prayed that I would develop a cool hobby in those 45 seconds. How awesome would it be to say, “You probably weren’t aware of this, but I am a world champion bobsledder on the weekends”? Surprisingly, no new talents emerged. What could I possibly share about myself that would be something I want people in the office to know about me? All I could think of were inane facts that no one would want to know and I DEFINITELY didn’t want to share.

“I can sing the jingles of numerous childhood commercials at the drop of a hat. Skip-It, Yo-Yo Ball, Fruit Stripe Gum, KFC’s All-You-Can-Eat Buffet, Jenny Craig, Blow Pops…what do you want to hear?”
“My favorite kind of M&Ms are Peanut M&Ms. I love almonds regularly, but strangely enough the Almond M&Ms just don’t do it for me.”
“I made it all the way to Sid’s house when playing Toy Story on Sega, back before the days of memory cards and extra lives. I do best at SuperSmash Brothers when I’m Kirby. And I beat Guitar Hero II on medium.”
“On average, I press the snooze button at least 3 times before I get up. Sometimes more. And by ‘sometimes’ I mean ‘usually’ because I used the word ‘average’ incorrectly in the first sentence.”

Seriously, I had nothing.

They went counterclockwise.

I was up. I froze – I turned red and I had nothing to say. Finally, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind: “My life’s ambition is to bench press my body weight.” Everyone gasped and laughed and said “Really? You can’t be serious.” I was. Kind of. And if I only weighed 40 pounds, I’d already be there.

I left the meeting vowing to get some new hobbies.

confessions and daily excitement

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At some point today, I:

  • picked my outfit, not based on the weather or on the fact that my boss’ boss was in town, but rather due to my recent lack of shaving and ironing activities.
  • listened to Oil and Water by Incubus excessively. As in at least 7-8 times over the course of the day. Maybe more…
  • found a incomplete assumption made previously that was under-valuing an asset by more than $2 million.
  • wondered if there is an analyst profit sharing program for events like this…
  • subsequently freaked out that I was considering such an extreme recommendation and did a boatload of research to make sure I was correct.
  • had a small heart attack when I proposed it all to the boss.
  • officially did not win my March Madness pool.
  • consciously thought about going to get gelato about 5 times in the afternoon.
  • pondered whether the way my mind works with desserts is similar to the way boys’ minds supposedly think about sex, i.e. constantly.
  • sat in the Senior Citizens section at the Rockies game because the tickets were cheaper.
  • was disappointed by a lukewarm hotdog.
  • overheard a grandma in awe over the boy walking up and down the stairs “while carrying all those cotton candies.” overheard a grandpa who’s probably had a long 50 years say, “it’s not like they’re heavy, dear…”

the triumphant return of Stairwell Monitor #2

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My place on the corporate totem pole has apparently not progressed much since last fall, despite having hired 6 new people to the Denver office after my start date. Last time we had a fire drill, all the newest employees were thoughtfully volunteered to assist on the emergency response team. I was convinced that at least some of these new people would be recruited in a similar manner. I wasn’t so ambitious as to think I’d be done with my Stairwell Monitor Tour of Duty, but I my mind, I was already promoted to Stairwell Monitor #1. You might be scoffing, but this one is a BIG DEAL.

Because Stairwell Monitor #1 doesn’t have to guide people down 27 flights of stairs; their job is to assist the disabled. But in a fire drill, that just means hanging out in the break room after everyone else has journeyed out to the streets below, watching CNN with the sound on. Man, I was ready for that gig. Unfortunately, our office management had different plans. Instead, everyone has the same role as last time. Which is a shame, because I would have been SO GOOD at being Stairwell Monitor #1.

I guess if you’re trying to look at the bright side, this time I was at least invited to the fire warden meeting. Last time I was just told what to do for the drill, but today I got to go to the building-wide planning meeting. It served a much-needed college flashback, sitting in the back of a big room listening to someone passionately lecture about something of minimal concern to me. (Also, fire wardens bring cookies to their meetings.) Another sign of my pretend increased responsibility is my awesome FIRE WARDEN hat! And yes, I do have some stellar pictures of my red, flat-brimmed baseball cap. And no, I’m not posting.

I hesitate to publicly confess my inadequacy as a concerned citizen of the workplace, but last time I was a less than ideal Stairwell Monitor #2. Primarily this was because I was so concerned about changing into comfortable shoes for the 27 floor hike that most of the office had already evacuated before I got to my station. Maybe if I have a better showing this time around, I’ll make my way up that corporate ladder after all…

Today is Completely and Utterly Fabulous

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I just wanted to let the world know that today I finalized and produced two reports that were 45 days in the making.  All of the long nights, hard work, frustration, perplexed phone calls, copy machine battles, and pouring over miniscule-font financial statements – all of that is done.

I honestly think this is the most love I have ever felt on a Valentine’s Day.  All the jewelry stores should stop their sappy kisisng advertising and show the true joy of completed financial analysis.  If that doesn’t sell diamonds, I don’t know what will…

by their fruits ye shall know them

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I’m working late tonight and need to print out parts of my projects to get them done. The color copier is “out of consummables.” The black and white had a paper jam. My options are limited because everyone who knows how to fix the copier left at least 3 hours ago.

I don’t know what consummables are (unless they are talking about chocolate, of which I am sorely lacking) so I decided to tackle the jam. 25 mintues later, I am covered in toner but I think I have removed all the paper from the SIX places it was jammed in the vast internal organs of the beast. I am elated. I have conquered the foe! I can get back to work.

Except not. Because the door of the copier no longer closes. Somehow in the process of attempting to unjam this hulk of plastic, I have angered the mass production gods. The help button says that all the machine parts must be in the correct position for the door to close. Some quick math tells me that there are about 40 million combinations of the way those knobs and levers could possibly be arranged and it was my job to find the correct one if I wanted to use the machine.

It was then that I realized the SPAWN OF SATAN resides in our copy room.

I left a note for whoever is lucky enough to come in tomorrow morning and decided to call it quits. I’m leaving now. And I will be plotting my Office Space-esque revenge the entire way home.

Copy machines: 2 , Rachel: 0

So close I can taste it!

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I’ve been working harder than I ever have in my life this past month trying to get ready for the year-end financial statements that have to go out at my job.  Hard like regularly working 12-15 hour days and in on weekends hard, hard like my coworker has spent the night in the car hard, hard like I have secretly cried in the bathroom several times hard, hard like I require excessive amounts of chocolate to get through most days hard.

We present everything to clients on Tuesday and I am very stressed about that part, but I’m even more excited that it means things can’t be edited or changed anymore.  My final draft made it through the bosses’ scrutiny today and I am almost there!

My life of (relative) sanity shall be returning soon!  Yay!!